When the going gets tough.

Who knew adulting was so hard. 

When I turned 16, I couldn't wait to get into my 20's. Now at 26, I am beyond confused as to why I was in such a rush to grow up. It's beyond me because at the moment life just isn't that enjoyable. It's full of boring adult things such as bills, paying rent, sorting out daycare, trying to find the right job/ career, all while trying to be composed and pretending like you have it under control. 

I feel like my stress level is at an all time high ... OH! Did I mention I grew my first grey hair?! Yeah, that happened too. I haven't decided what i'm going to do with it yet but for now it's hanging about on my head. I digress as always, but you get the gist. Trying to raise a hyper toddler while attempting (and I mean that) to finish College part-time, and run a household and look for a new job has me in a frenzy. I have been seriously thinking of a career change, however, since I am already in school it really defeats the purpose. 

I'm a really indecisive person, which means that I find it hard to make decisions. I can contemplate for hours on whether or not I should buy the yellow spoon or the blue spoon - to the point where I can't sleep. No word of a lie. I drive myself absolutely crazy sometimes. I am afraid of regretting any decision I make, I think that's why I can't seem to make decisions easily. I once chose a job over another and now completely regret it. I let the better opportunity go, but I guess I wouldn't be where I am today had I not made that decision. TOO LATE. But I think about it fairly often. Then that takes me back to highschool where I made a whole lot of bad decisions ALL of which I completely regret today. 

I look at the people around me, new friends, old friends, old classmates, neighbours, family, friends of friends, the whole world basically and find that I'm often time comparing myself to them. Bad idea, but it happens. I never anticipated that my life would be at this point at 26 years of age. I had bigger dreams and aspirations for myself but somehow LIFE seems to get in the way and throws a whole load of crap at you and BAM! everything changes. 

Right now, the going is tough. I'm not sure where i'm going, i'm not sure where i'm headed. I just know that i'm at a cross roads of what's going on in my life. Having no sense of direction makes it difficult to move forward. Hopefully things will change and get better and hopefully I can provide you with an update.

Also, on another note ... I'm slightly embarassed that I haven't been on this space since September. That's pretty crap. That's another thing I suck at, time management. Although I think about this blog all the time, I can't seem to keep up as much as I would've liked. I apologize for such a dry post. I hope to be back soon with some positive news, or something else fun to discuss!

Ciao for now,

- SMSXO